Breaking the Silence around Punjabi-Sikh Women
Coblogged by Reema and Sundari
There is a deafening silence that surrounds Punjabi-Sikh women. Too often, when discussing challenges that some women may be facing, the conversation is shut down and de-legitimized by one or two angry voices. Interwoven into this is the unrelenting identity debate of labeling actions “Punjabi” versus “Sikh” which often distracts us from the true issue at hand.
For example, recent posts about issues affecting women turned out to be way more controversial to a few commentors than anything in the original post merited. A post on forced marriages drew virulent ire from a few readers for discussing forced marriages under a title that included the word “Sikh.” A post on a change in asylum law which also included “Sikh” in the title drew the same virulent response. Earlier in the year, a post named “The Rise and Fall of Sikh Girls,” was accused of creating unnecessary attention with it’s title.
This reaction is reminiscent of the treatment that was meted to Harshinder Kaur by an Indian government official when she attempted to talk about female feticide in Geneva.
She said in her talk at Geneva she had pointed that it was very essential to educate the women and girls of Punjab to make them aware of their rights and to alleviate their sufferings. For this, UN must give aid to needy girls in their education directly as it should reach at grass level where the aid is not reaching. She said he is giving monetary help to 300 needy girls for their education through her own trust. This issue was disliked by a participant P. Srivastava and she [sic] threatened her after she finished her talk and came out of hall and advised her not to visit UN ever again if she has to utter any [words against the] government. She clarified repeatedly that said [sic] she has not uttered anything about government but was worried only about education of poor girls of Punjab. [PunjabNewsline ]
Besides the insult felt by readers at the idea of Sikhs not living as Sikhs should and the fear that a negative image of Sikhs was being portrayed, there is another stream of thought shutting down these conversations that I think needs to be addressed.
It’s the idea that issues involving women, aren’t “real” issues. Sometimes these voices seem to be saying that the issues 1) aren’t community issues but individuals’ issues; thus they’re private and shouldn’t be talked about in public, 2) are being overblown and authors are lying about the problems’ existence, or 3) aren’t important. This isn’t a comprehensive list of the reasons behind silencing women’s issues, but I’ll stick with these for brevity’s sake.
First, the idea that what happens at home should stay at home, hidden from public, doesn’t work when there is a common thread and theme running through all homes, negatively impacting members of one group based on cultural or community norms. Punjabi culture is hyper-masculine. It’s hard to disagree with this while keeping a straight face. Because Punjabi culture is the backdrop in which most Sikhs are brought up, there are double standards in many Punjabi-Sikh homes.
This leads to the second complaint- that talk of double standards or mistreatment of women is being overblown and that there’s no data to back it up. It’s true that comprehensive data remains to be collected, but such data can’t be collected if we’re unable to ask the questions that are required to collect data. Also, women today are working to address these gaps in knowledge. We need to be able to make space to work on these issues.
The third reason, that these issues aren’t important, is a straightforward and unambiguous devaluing of women. Enough said.
Perhaps, underlying the silencing is a perception that these conversations are attacks on individual men who have simply inherited a culture. And some take personal offense at such accusations without proper evidence to back them up. But these conversations aren’t about any individuals- they’re about the framework of power in Punjabi culture in which we communicate, think, and behave. Until we recognize that framework, and until we move past it, women’s voices will remain unheard.
The status of Women’s Rights issues internationally
Internationally, women’s issues are front-page news these days. [1, 2] Women’s rights have been moving towards the front of the international agenda since the 1995 UN Conference in Beijing (the fourth conference on women’s rights) that established the Beijing Platform for Action. Secretary Clinton and The Clinton Global Initiative are both paying particular attention to to these issues, influencing the international agenda. An increasing number of women have become heads of state and development literature has highlighted the link between women’s empowerment and community development.
This doesn’t mean that women’s equality has been achieved. Indeed, some conversations about the Secretary of State still spend an odd amount of time on her appearance.
Even venerable publications — such as one to which I regularly contribute, Foreign Policy — have woven into their all-Hillary-all-the-time coverage odd discussions of Clinton’s handbag and scarf choices. Daily Beast editor Tina Brown, while depicting herself as a Clinton supporter, has been scathing and small-minded in discussing such things as Clinton’s weight and hair, while her “defense” of Hillary in her essay “Obama’s Other Wife” was as sexist as the title suggests. [WaPo]
Breaking the silence
While the international community is opening up to women’s issues, Punjabi-Sikh women are also making headway and can be found in more and more positions of community leadership. But the silence surrounding ‘women’s issues’ continues. This might be because of cultural differences in psychology between generations of Punjabi-Sikhs. Older generations, or more heavily eastern-influenced generations have a cultural habit of avoiding issues and problems, brushing them under the carpet (to fester and resurface another day). But the more individualist generations who have been raised in the US prefer to address issues straightforwardly, head on.
This negotiation – between tradition and the individualism of our adopted country has demanded a new dialogue from the community. Individuals need to feel validated and when women’s issues aren’t discussed and are delegitimized, it reflects back onto our community. It is often said that “Silence is Violence.” These conversations will continue to happen, regardless of how uncomfortable certain members of the community feel.
Perhaps what needs to change is how these issues are labeled. Perhaps we need to move away from labeling them as women’s issues and take a more humanistic approach to them. Activists around the world are seeking to place women’s issues within a human rights framework. However, in order to legitimize this on a community level, our own community has to give leverage to these human rights ideals.
Today’s generation of women will make space to discuss the issues that affect them and their sisters. These conversations are necessary for the health of the entire community. One project is starting by holding a focus group for Punjabi Sikh women in Washington, DC to have a conversation about the issues that arise from the intersection of gender, culture, and spirituality and to strengthen a sense of community amongst Punjabi-Sikh women. Similar focus groups will soon be held in CA. If you’re in CA and interested in attending, keep your eyes open for more information to come soon. If you’re in the DC area and interested in attending, click on the flyer above for details or email reema@thelangarhall.com.
49 Responses to “Breaking the Silence around Punjabi-Sikh Women”
Wow Fire on Ice, rellaxxxxxx…!!
Do you think Punjabi men and women are culturally treated equally? I don't mean on an individual level, but as a community…
Do you disagree with the spirit of the post, or just the details? I don't think Hillary Clinton was central to the argument.
I am posting this link here in the hope that one of your bloggers might highlight this as part of your main blog, especially Jodha who has done much to write about the need to address the following issues. I'm posting it here because this particular article touches on female issues.
It is about new guidelines and initiatives in the UK to combat Honor crimes. It highlights the case of Surjit Athwal, a Sikh woman from London who was murdered in an honor killing by her husband and mother-in-law. The news story interviews her brother, Jagdeesh Singh, a GurSikh, who has campaigned tirelessly for the killers of her sister to be brought to justice, and now is one of the most prominent campaigners against Honor crimes in the UK. The video also interviews the daughter of Surjit Athwal, who is now a young woman, and she speaks about how the murder of her mother affected her. It is good to see a young Sikh man at the forefront of the campaign against this social evil. I hope you find the time to highlight this issue and initiative.
Here is the link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/8269913.stm
Many thanks.
I am posting this link here in the hope that one of your bloggers might highlight this as part of your main blog, especially Jodha who has done much to write about the need to address the following issues. I'm posting it here because this particular article touches on female issues.
It is about new guidelines and initiatives in the UK to combat Honor crimes. It highlights the case of Surjit Athwal, a Sikh woman from London who was murdered in an honor killing by her husband and mother-in-law. The news story interviews her brother, Jagdeesh Singh, a GurSikh, who has campaigned tirelessly for the killers of her sister to be brought to justice, and now is one of the most prominent campaigners against Honor crimes in the UK. The video also interviews the daughter of Surjit Athwal, who is now a young woman, and she speaks about how the murder of her mother affected her. It is good to see a young Sikh man at the forefront of the campaign against this social evil. I hope you find the time to highlight this issue and initiative.
Here is the link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/8269913.stm
Many thanks.
Dear Ruby,
I echo Raj in thanking you for sharing this video.
I am honored by your kind words. I will follow up and do some research on the case, and do my best to highlight the number of different issues it raises. More soon
j.
If there is anyone that is acting like P. Srivastava and the hateful Indian government
it has to be Reema and Sundari.
Dr. Harshinder pointed out that the Punjab was not the worst offender when it came to female foeticide, Rajasthan has the highest rate, and haryana isn’t that far behind, yet we rarely hear that in the Indian news media. All we hear about is Punjab and basically this is faulting Sikhism, eventhough Sikhism forbids mistreating any female.
It has long been common knowledge for hundreds of years that under Rajasthani culture a female baby was/is murdered if given birth, why is it never discussed that these beliefs against women are taught as formal religious teachings in hindu texts.
Furthermore Dr. Harshinder contested that the literacy rate of females is not 100% in Punjab, and the grossly yet purposely skewed figures from the Government of India reflects part of the reason why aid is not getting to where it should be going. Dr. Harshinder suggested that NGO’s (non government organizations) should receive funding for projects to aid Punjabi women, since the NGO’s are aware of whats happening at the ground level.
This is when a women, P. Srivastava became upset and threatened Dr. Harshinder Kaur, because Srivastava as an authority figures at the government level wanted to control the issue most important to her, who gets the funding.
If literacy rate for women in Punjab is falsely being reported at 100% how much funding will Punjabi women will get for education, most likely none. So, Dr. Harshinder Kaur was a threat because she was contesting the so-called facts. Which is something that Reema has trouble with as well; she can’t stand anyone contesting the facts or challenging her authoritative false moral stance on this issue.
Nonetheless who gets highlighted in this article as an authoritative figure by Reema and Sundari, Hillary Clinton. Yes, Hillary Clinton who could easily be the female version of Lex Luthor to Wonder Woman.
The same Hillary Clinton who went on television and told men and women alike on 60 minutes, that she was not Tammy Wynnete singing “stand by your man”. Yet affair after affair, she stood by Bill Clinton, like a lifelong vichola (a person whose service it is to introduce the groom to a potential mate).
Reema your heroine/supper villian Hillary can’t stand to answer to the public. Here in brevity are some recent reasons Hillary’s won’t keep it real
1)aren’t community issues but individuals’ issues; thus they’re private and shouldn’t be talked about in public
2)are being overblown and authors are lying about the problems’ existence
3)aren’t important
Reema and Sundari as you can tell I took the above reasons from your article, so no thanks for the sanctimonious moral upptitude of friction journalism.
Stop hating Sikh men.
There was no cursing or any negative statements that haven't been made in the regular news media, yet the post that I've written has been deleted twice already, eventhough there has been cursing in some of your other members posts( i.e GulabSinghshakhrpara). The langarhall.com admin keeps eating up the post I've put up, are you that hungry?
Is it that much of a threat to your viewpoints, why are you silencing the voice of others Sikhs, is this how you will approach the Sikh community at large by deleting posts.
Is that progression or do you really represent what you've learned as punjabis in perpetrating this behavior on Sikhs?
So who is really like P. Srivastava and the Government of India now Reema and Sundari? You and Thelangarahall.com
These tactics on the part of thelangarhall.com are more in line with keeping someone silent and suppressed, this behavior is line with the abuse mentality that you claim you are working against.
Thelangarhall.com represents the worst behavior of the punjabi community.
Reema you and your other two colleagues no longer represent advocates for the betterment of the Sikh community, nor abused women. You are shopping the plight of abused women on this internet street corner, even Acorn would not approve your methods.
et et
There was no cursing or any negative statements that haven't been made in the regular news media, yet the post that I've written has been deleted twice already, eventhough there has been cursing in some of your other members posts( i.e GulabSinghshakhrpara). The langarhall.com admin keeps eating up the post I've put up, are you that hungry?
Is it that much of a threat to your viewpoints, why are you silencing the voice of others Sikhs, is this how you will approach the Sikh community at large by deleting posts.
Is that progression or do you really represent what you've learned as punjabis in perpetrating this behavior on Sikhs?
So who is really like P. Srivastava and the Government of India now Reema and Sundari? You and Thelangarahall.com
These tactics on the part of thelangarhall.com are more in line with keeping someone silent and suppressed, this behavior is line with the abuse mentality that you claim you are working against.
Thelangarhall.com represents the worst behavior of the punjabi community.
Reema you and your other two colleagues no longer represent advocates for the betterment of the Sikh community, nor abused women. You are shopping the plight of abused women on this internet street corner, even Acorn would not approve your methods.
Dear Ruby,
I echo Raj in thanking you for sharing this video.
I am honored by your kind words. I will follow up and do some research on the case, and do my best to highlight the number of different issues it raises. More soon
j.
The post that I've written has been deleted twice already, eventhough there has been cursing in some of your other members posts( i.e GulabSinghshakhrpara). The langarhall.com admin keeps eating up the post I've put up, are you that hungry?
Is it that much of a threat to your viewpoints, why are you silencing the voice of others Sikhs, is this how you will approach the Sikh community at large by deleting posts.
Is that progression or do you really represent what you've learned as punjabis in perpetrating this behavior on Sikhs?
These tactics on the part of thelangarhall.com are more in line with keeping someone silent and suppressed, this behavior is line with the abuse mentality that you claim you are working against.
So who is really like P. Srivastava and the Government of India now Reema and Sundari? You and Thelangarahall.com
Thelangarhall.com represents the worst behavior of the punjabi community.
Reema you and your other two colleagues no longer represent advocates for the betterment of the Sikh community, nor abused women. You are shopping the plight of abused women on this internet street corner, even Acorn would not approve your methods.
So who is really like P. Srivastava and the Government of India now Reema and Sundari? You and Thelangarahall.com
Thelangarhall.com represents the worst behavior of the punjabi community.
Reema you and your other two colleagues no longer represent advocates for the betterment of the Sikh community, nor abused women. You are shopping the plight of abused women on this internet street corner, even Acorn would not approve your methods.
The post that I've written has been deleted twice already, eventhough there has been cursing in some of your other members posts( i.e GulabSinghshakhrpara). The langarhall.com admin keeps eating up the post I've put up, are you that hungry?
So who is really like P. Srivastava and the Government of India now Reema and Sundari? You and Thelangarahall.com
Thelangarhall.com represents the worst behavior of the punjabi community.
Reema you and your other two colleagues no longer represent advocates for the betterment of the Sikh community, nor abused women. You are shopping the plight of abused women on this internet street corner, even Acorn would not approve your methods.
So who is really like P. Srivastava and the Government of India now Reema and Sundari? You and Thelangarahall.com
Thelangarhall.com represents the worst behavior of the punjabi community.
Reema you and your other two colleagues no longer represent advocates for the betterment of the Sikh community, nor abused women. You are shopping the plight of abused women on this internet street corner, even Acorn would not approve your methods.
Generally I would think Fire on Ice was deleted for swearing, so I would say… why not say what you have to say without swearing?
But as I look up at the comments, my reply to Fire on Ice was ALSO deleted. Why? I didnt say anything offensive? I didn't swear? I wasn't even supporting Fire On Ice!!!
Whats the deal yo?
Generally I would think Fire on Ice was deleted for swearing, so I would say… why not say what you have to say without swearing?
But as I look up at the comments, my reply to Fire on Ice was ALSO deleted. Why? I didnt say anything offensive? I didn't swear? I wasn't even supporting Fire On Ice!!!
Whats the deal yo?
You've read both my post Punjabi Assassin, I guess that was enough to get you deleted.
I didnt use curse words, and considering Reema's drubbing of Rdb, I dont think thelangarhall.com can ask any respondent to be any less disengaging.
Reema you are not a representative of the womens abuse issue, when you use a totalitarianistic indira ghandi approach to Sikhs.
Stop hating Sikh men.
I think another reason for some of the reaction has to do with fear that advocating for women's rights is an attack in some way
Can someone just explain why Fire and Ice was deleted? I may have been deleted on accident as it was a reply to Fire and Ice and so all replies may automatically be deleted.
But even if you disagree with Fire and Ice on many points, like I disagree with him, why delete him?
I think another reason for some of the reaction has to do with fear that advocating for women's rights is an attack in some way
Can someone just explain why Fire and Ice was deleted? I may have been deleted on accident as it was a reply to Fire and Ice and so all replies may automatically be deleted.
But even if you disagree with Fire and Ice on many points, like I disagree with him, why delete him?
Huge amounts of praise for Reema and Sundari for putting this in the spolight; the resulting discussion that has ensued (i.e. 'Stop Hating on Sikh Men') is exactly why this conversation needs to take place. Reema, Sundari, just remember Mai Bhago was the one out on the battlefield before the chali mukte realized they left their Guru.
Stay out there. Call your sisters. The bravest brothers with follow your lead.
Bandana
Huge amounts of praise for Reema and Sundari for putting this in the spolight; the resulting discussion that has ensued (i.e. 'Stop Hating on Sikh Men') is exactly why this conversation needs to take place. Reema, Sundari, just remember Mai Bhago was the one out on the battlefield before the chali mukte realized they left their Guru.
Stay out there. Call your sisters. The bravest brothers with follow your lead.
Bandana
Thank you for writing this article. The most serious civil rights challenge facing Sikh women (outside the womb) are Punjabi men, many of whom self-identify as Sikhs. Anyone who thinks that this isn't a serious issue should volunteer for a South Asian domestic violence clinic for a few weeks and get a dose of reality.
Sikhs have a religious obligation to promote human rights and fight against all forms of injustice. By definition, human rights issues are Sikh issues, precisely because our religion requires us to safeguard the dignity of every human being; and so, to the extent that domestic violence constitutes an assault on human dignity, Sikhs have an obligation to address the problem and put an end to it.
Thank you for writing this article. The most serious civil rights challenge facing Sikh women (outside the womb) are Punjabi men, many of whom self-identify as Sikhs. Anyone who thinks that this isn't a serious issue should volunteer for a South Asian domestic violence clinic for a few weeks and get a dose of reality.
Sikhs have a religious obligation to promote human rights and fight against all forms of injustice. By definition, human rights issues are Sikh issues, precisely because our religion requires us to safeguard the dignity of every human being; and so, to the extent that domestic violence constitutes an assault on human dignity, Sikhs have an obligation to address the problem and put an end to it.
P. Singh if you want others to give it a rest try doing it yourself and save yourself the time you post when nothing was written to purposefully offend or censor you.
I’m not some white guy cuddling around some hippie wannabe Sikhs who’ve experienced the world thru marigold lenses in a far off desert state, nor have I cut my hair when I realized martin luther kings dream was over for me and most people in the U.S have judged me first on a mistaken identity and much less on the characteristics of my actions.
While you gleefully claim that Reema has ate kittens, double dipped, or made deals with feminist organizations for her soul, those would be her decisions to make.
There is no sense in idly allowing Reema, Jodha, Sundari to pass out junk journalism at the cost of Sikhism.
When she specifically wrote this article to state that I’m the type of person that would hate Dr. Harshinder Kaur, and that the purpose of my posts was just to make virulent comments. While, it was she all along trying to censor and shame participants on thelangarhall.com.
The only perversion P. Singh is someone who mocks others, and agrees to the tactics used by Reema, while she tries to falsely establish herself as the moral voice of activism.
Hmmmm…… I was about to post this and looks like since you replied to my post, thelangarhall.com deleted your post as well P. Singh.
Welcome to censorship, you’ve officially become a casualty.
Kudos to Reema & Sundari for bringing attention to this problem.While this problem is mostly prevelant in sikh families it is by no means a private problem.The punjabi culture is hyper masculine only in the minds of the perpetrators,these so called men can & do abuse women physically,emotionally,sexually & financially but when they confront their match they just back off with their tail between their legs.Women should stand up to this abuse individually as well as collectively,remember unlike india & other eastern countries,law in the west stands behind the victim.
I guess the article has merit upto a point.
However without data and statistics the magnitude will never be known.
The removing of fire ice view is not good in sprit how so ever much he may differ with authors opinion.
I hope we are not being fed by echophiles.
Kudos to Reema & Sundari for bringing attention to this problem.While this problem is mostly prevelant in sikh families it is by no means a private problem.The punjabi culture is hyper masculine only in the minds of the perpetrators,these so called men can & do abuse women physically,emotionally,sexually & financially but when they confront their match they just back off with their tail between their legs.Women should stand up to this abuse individually as well as collectively,remember unlike india & other eastern countries,law in the west stands behind the victim.
I guess the article has merit upto a point.
However without data and statistics the magnitude will never be known.
The removing of fire ice view is not good in sprit how so ever much he may differ with authors opinion.
I hope we are not being fed by echophiles.
Whats required are independent, educated, strong, inspirational punjabi women willing to take lead and become role models. Have to women bloggers on this site ever considered running for their local Gurdwara committee?
This post and the others (forced marriage, etc) exhibit the authors behaviors to create progression by suppression. Which is part of the problem and the confusion.
More often than not in order for a bad person to become good, the bad person must create a worse person. This is a method by which a bad person creates the illusion of becoming good.
Part of the method is for the bad person to make accusations against someone they dislike, and then suppress the voice of the ‘disliked’.
If the bad person holds enough power and sway and has the ability to use tactics like censorship, physical/mental abuse, and shame against the ‘disliked’ then others began to believe that the accusation made against the disliked must be true, otherwise why wouldn’t the ‘disliked’ speak up.
This is how the bad becomes good. Then some of the ‘good’ become so emboldened with their new found ability they move on to ways of discarding the ‘disliked’.
What happens when the ‘disliked’ is Sikhism.
This post and the others (forced marriage, etc) exhibit the authors behaviors to create progression by suppression. Which is part of the problem and the confusion.
Whats required are independent, educated, strong, inspirational punjabi women willing to take lead and become role models. Have to women bloggers on this site ever considered running for their local Gurdwara committee?
Cnn heroes – Robina Niaz is a muslim – altough there are cultural similarities….
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/09/24/cnnheroes.ro…
Cnn heroes – Robina Niaz is a muslim – altough there are cultural similarities….
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/09/24/cnnheroes.ro…
This post and the others (forced marriage, etc) exhibit the authors behaviors to create progression by suppression. Which is part of the problem and the confusion.
More often than not in order for a bad person to become good, the bad person must create a worse person. This is a method by which a bad person creates the illusion of becoming good.
Part of the method is for the bad person to make accusations against someone they dislike, and then suppress the voice of the ‘disliked’.
If the bad person holds enough power and sway and has the ability to use tactics like censorship, physical/mental abuse, and shame against the ‘disliked’ then others began to believe that the accusation made against the disliked must be true, otherwise why wouldn’t the ‘disliked’ speak up.
This is how the bad becomes good. Then some of the ‘good’ become so emboldened with their new found ability they move on to ways of discarding the ‘disliked’.
What happens when the ‘disliked’ is Sikhism.
This post and the others (forced marriage, etc) exhibit the authors behaviors to create progression by suppression. Which is part of the problem and the confusion.
More often than not in order for a bad person to become good, the bad person must create a worse person. This is a method by which a bad person creates the illusion of becoming good.
Part of the method is for the bad person to make accusations against someone they dislike, and then suppress the voice of the ‘disliked’.
If the bad person holds enough power and sway and has the ability to use tactics like censorship, physical/mental abuse, and shame against the ‘disliked’ then others began to believe that the accusation made against the disliked must be true, otherwise why wouldn’t the ‘disliked’ speak up.
This is how the bad becomes good. Then some of the ‘good’ become so emboldened with their new found ability they move on to ways of discarding the ‘disliked’.
What happens when the ‘disliked’ is Sikhism.
Well you gave the answer to your question.Some of the(good) become so emboldened they move on & discard the disliked.
Well you gave the answer to your question.Some of the(good) become so emboldened they move on & discard the disliked.
Satnam Waheguru
Satnam Waheguru
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