Baby Boys and their BMWs
The news of the tiger attack in the San Francisco Zoo made national headlines. A few days later it was revealed that two of the three people attacked came from a Sikh background. 
Paul, 19, and Kulbir, 24, Dhaliwal were hospitalized but recovered from the attack, unlike their friend Carlos Sousa Jr. Further evidence has come to light suggesting that the three boys had provoked the tiger. All three seem to have had high levels of alcohol and marijuana in their systems.
However, it seems that this incident was not Paul and Kulbir’s first panga. It seems that they have been arrested for public intoxication in the past. At the time of the tiger attack, Paul was on felony probation after pleading no contest to reckless driving, driving under the influence, resisting an officer, and providing a false name.
However, while reading the latest updates, something caught my attention.
Police found a small amount of marijuana in Kulbir Dhaliwal’s 2002 BMW, which the victims rode to the zoo, as well as a partially filled bottle of vodka, according to court documents.
How did I know they drove a BMW? I am not going to further indict the Dhaliwal brothers. They are going to have enough problems of their own as I am quite convinced their original story of not harassing the tiger will soon fall apart. But this article is really about the majority of the male youth in our community.
I couldn’t even count on my fingers the number of my Punjabi male friends that have DUI arrests and similar troubles with the law. Yet, their parents spoil them and they drive home in their Cadillacs, Mercedes, and Denalis. Even in their mid 20s their lives are hardly different than their mid teens. Somehow the magic of ‘marriage’ is suppose to check them and make them ‘grow up.’ Sometimes it works, but I know firsthand of many times when it doesn’t.
African-American scholars often talk about the ‘baby-boy’ phenomenon. This is a situation where boys always remain in a state of “boyhood” throughout their lives and exercise their boyhood by overindulging in entertainment, drugs, sexual conquest without commitment and materialism while their parents enable them to continue this behavior by granting their every wish. John Singleton’s Baby Boy was a depiction of this behavior. Granted the socio-economic situation and the breakdown of the nuclear family is not present in our community to the same extent as that in the African-American community, however I wonder if our boys are just that — ‘baby boys.’ Do we blame the parents, society, our institutions, the baby boys themselves? Is there a community-based way out?
9 Responses to “Baby Boys and their BMWs”
I don't think there is one particular group to blame. On one hand, parents seem to be allowing their children to do anything and giving them anything. By not teaching them how assets and even enjoyment in life has to be earned, they are raising their sons to become "baby boys". I don't really understand it. I remember the model used to be that parents did anything for their children and it was understood that the children would take over all responsibilities at some point and take care of them. Did they just stop drilling this in them? Are parents too busy working to even talk to their kids?
On the other hand, the baby boys are also largely to blame for their own situations. Yes, it’s easy to sit back and let your parents do everything for you and not work for anything. But when they are doing drugs or getting DUIs, do they not feel any guilt? Or have they lost all sense of right and wrong? At some point, don't you look at the rest of the world around you and realize "wow everyone is making something of their lives but my friends and I are still sitting here". I don't understand any of it.
Another point, this is also happening with girls. I have seen it so many times. Girls who never worked for anything and have dad's or mom's credit card in their hands are going through the same thing. On top of DUIs, alcoholism, and drug use… these young women are learning to live lavish life-styles they may not be able to afford once they really have to grow up.
I don’t think there is one particular group to blame. On one hand, parents seem to be allowing their children to do anything and giving them anything. By not teaching them how assets and even enjoyment in life has to be earned, they are raising their sons to become “baby boys”. I don’t really understand it. I remember the model used to be that parents did anything for their children and it was understood that the children would take over all responsibilities at some point and take care of them. Did they just stop drilling this in them? Are parents too busy working to even talk to their kids?
On the other hand, the baby boys are also largely to blame for their own situations. Yes, it’s easy to sit back and let your parents do everything for you and not work for anything. But when they are doing drugs or getting DUIs, do they not feel any guilt? Or have they lost all sense of right and wrong? At some point, don’t you look at the rest of the world around you and realize “wow everyone is making something of their lives but my friends and I are still sitting here”. I don’t understand any of it.
Another point, this is also happening with girls. I have seen it so many times. Girls who never worked for anything and have dad’s or mom’s credit card in their hands are going through the same thing. On top of DUIs, alcoholism, and drug use… these young women are learning to live lavish life-styles they may not be able to afford once they really have to grow up.
It comes back to the parents whatever they hold the kids accountable for a younger age is what kids eventually hold themselves accountable for. When a person knows no limits in spending, partying, and general stupidity then when are they ever going to learn it…in my thoughts not till they fall and fall hard.
I'd want to know if the two brothers will continue on with their lives as I expect them to or actually make a change and take this hard learned lesson to do something that has some meaning. Other than smoke a blunt and go publicly intoxicated to a theme park or in this case a zoo. My question is now this has all happened do the parent take responsibility for their sons stupidity and actually state their sons are dumb asses or like I've seen in the past deny their sons wrong doings and keep beating a dead horse "My son is good boy he study hard. He never do anything wrong" or maybe I am just being to harsh.
It comes back to the parents whatever they hold the kids accountable for a younger age is what kids eventually hold themselves accountable for. When a person knows no limits in spending, partying, and general stupidity then when are they ever going to learn it…in my thoughts not till they fall and fall hard.
I’d want to know if the two brothers will continue on with their lives as I expect them to or actually make a change and take this hard learned lesson to do something that has some meaning. Other than smoke a blunt and go publicly intoxicated to a theme park or in this case a zoo. My question is now this has all happened do the parent take responsibility for their sons stupidity and actually state their sons are dumb asses or like I’ve seen in the past deny their sons wrong doings and keep beating a dead horse “My son is good boy he study hard. He never do anything wrong” or maybe I am just being to harsh.
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